Sunburn
by The Psychopath
Summary: A little vacation can turn you crazy and Surt, Odin, and Brahms are on one right now. We have special guest appearances of other non-VP characters in chapters, but please forgive the short paragraphs here. Warning: Prepare for very off-character dialogue
1. We're off to a slow start

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: SOB means…**S**urt-**O**din-**B**rahms. It is a name that I use when referring to those guys. And I use that name when I write comedy fanfics.Anyway, this is a story which I wrote 4 years back in 2003. So I decided to edit it and added a lot of new parts here since this is my first entry here. So prepare for Off-character dialogues.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characers used, mentioned or featured in this fanfic.

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**O**ne bright and shiny day high up in Asgard, a letter came from a travel and tour company. The letter was addressed to a certain god named Lord Odin.Sitting there on his throne….getting a damn foot scrub treatment, Freya approacheshim with the mystery letter in her hand and announces its arrival..." My Lord, a lettercame for you…"

**Odin**: (throwing away the nail file he was playing with) Really? Jeee….must be another one of those scam letters those low lives at Nifleheim send……

**Freya**: Uh….no….not exactly, my lord. Here….. (hands over letter to him)

-He opens the letter and starts reading the contents-

**Odin**: Hmm…. (scratching his chin)

"**Dear Mr. Odin (clad in a cloud-grey kirtle),**

**We, of the travel and tour company are pleased to inform you that you have won an all-expense paid trip to the glorious vacation islands of Halo-Halo…."**

**Odin**: Islands of….H-halo-halo?! Where in Mimir's name is that?! (Scratching his ear)

-Hrist appears out of nowhere and enters the discussion-

**Hrist**: clears throat The 'Islands of Halo-Halo' is one of the most prestigious, expensive, and one-of-a-kind resorts in the entire universe. They have white, sandy beaches with a wide variety of hotels, shops, etc…..…..this results in the varied vacationists that come from all parts of the world and from other anime and game titles. Currently, no one owns the place because the recent owner, **Maximillian Pegasus**, was shot dead in the head by a sniper during a renaissance parade a few months ago. For now, no one would like to claim ownership of the islands. But the only tough contenders: **Emperor Rudolf Zeppelin III** (from Zoids) and **Treize Khushrenada **are still battling it out for ownership.

-Silence and crickets chirping in the background-

**Odin**:……………………Where did you get that stuff from?

**Hrist**: (crossing her arms)……..I read travel pamphlets y'know.

**Odin**:…….Oh…..(continues reading the letter)

"**We are also pleased to inform you that we have also sent two other invitations addressed to your future roommates, Mr. Surt of Muspellheim and Mr. Brahms of Midgard…."**

Based on the look on his face, Odin couldn't believe what he was reading. It may sounded a bit auspicious and harmless. But to him, this was like a death sentence. Just hearing those two names gave him heart burn. Dropping the letter and clutching his fists in a crazy manner, he let out a thunderous **"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"** that could be heard all throughout Asgard. Good thing it got muffled by the sounds of an erupting volcano and the crack of lightning down in Midgard and Muspellheim, so no one was able to hear his wail.

-While Lord Odin was all touchy and groggy, Freya picked up the letter and read the last sentences.-

"**And your flight is scheduled on the day after tomorrow. So we advice you to pack-up your luggage and meet us at the airport at 5:30 a.m. That will be all, sir, good fortune and have a nice day!**

**Sincerely Yours,**

**Mad Raccoon Travel and Tour co."**

**Freya**: (surprised) My Lord, you shall be leaving very early. May I suggest that Thor be taking over while you are away?

**Odin**: (sitting on his throne and done with the foot scrub) sigh … Do as you wish, Freya. I shall hold you and Thor responsible for everything here……for now, I shall take leave….

-then he walks away-

"Good riddins." Freya mumbled behind his back. "Eh? You say sumthin'?" Odin said stopping in his tracks. "Uh…No! Nothing! Jee...must be those crows up on the roof…." Freya tried to cover up."..Oh…damn crows….."Odin mumbled.

And with that, he drags himself into his godly quarters and starts packing all his godly items…his godly straw hat, his godly socks, his godly cell phone, his godly sandals…tanning lotion….and all damn possible GODLY items that he can stuff into that godly travel bag of his.

A day and a half later, Odin was already off to the airport when suddenly, it hit him. He thought, "Hmm…..I mind as well go together with those goofballs." He pulled out his godly cellular phone and dialed the goofballs' number. _**RIIINNGGG!! RIINNG!!**_ went the phone.

**Surt's line**

RIING!! "Ye'hello? Oh…it's just YOU….whaddya want?!" Surt's voice echoed. "Yeah, yeah….whatever. I'll be waiting….you better not make fun of me!" _**BEEP…beep**_. He hanged-up.

**Brahms' line**

"Alright, Alright….Yeah I'll meet you there….yeah, I'll show up. Now stop babbling, you're giving me a migraine." _**Bang!**_ He put the phone down.

Moments later….in a freezing cold, ice field. Two shady characters wait beside a frozen lamppost. One wearing a Hawaiian shirt, shorts, sandals, and a straw hat. The other, trench coat, shades and a charcoal-black hat.

**Odin**: (Shaking like crazy and covered with ice and snow)….BRrr…sure is cold here…(continues shaking).

**Brahms**: Brr….y-you idiot….we just HAD to go to Jotunheim, eh? Of…of all…p-places…..why c-couldn't we pick a b-better p-place to w-wait….brr…

**Odin**: E-easy…for you to s-say…..brr…t-that g-giant b-bastard…is….late!

Suddenly, a big statue approached them. Actually, it was Surt, looking all warm and unaffected.

**Surt**: Howdy. Got my bags and stuff here…and I'm all set.

-Brahms was already annoyed very much-

**Brahms**: You idiot! Hu-hurry it up….and let's g-get out of t-this place…..!

**Surt**: Oh, what's wrong? (looks at Odin) You look a little blue, Odin. (turns to Brahms) Vampire, what's with him? I don't feel anything funny.

**Brahms**: Y-you jerk, it w-would've been better i-if you made us w-wait in…in…M-mu-muspellheim!

**Odin**: And risk getting blasted off a volcano?! You nuts?! Let's get out of here!

-and so they scrammed and ventured into Brahms' Castle, hoping that they can run back to the airport.-

**At Brahms Castle**

Since they were already entering the domain of the vampire lord, (and Brahms didn't take lightly to visitors) he just stormed in, hoping to find his luggage and get out as soon as possible before those old-geezer-brats break anything that belonged to him.

**Brahms**: Hmf, I'll go get my stuff…..You better not break anything, cause it'll cost you your life!

-they walk along the creepy hallways, making side comments-

**Surt**: It's pretty dark here….

**Brahms**: (turns around) Why don't you evolve already, you primate!

**Surt**: Tsk tsk tsk……Hey Odin, what's been buggin him?

**Odin**: Nah, he's always like that…..silent……and very MOODY….

-at last, Brahms found his luggage…which was right in the throne room. Inside, Lord Odin notices something up above-

**Odin**: Hey, isn't that one of my Valkyries?

**Brahms**: Oh shut up……

**Surt**: Bah! You Cranky hostage-taker! That girl must be one of your hostages!

**Brahms**: (pouting) …..I don't stoop to Odin's level…

**Odin**: HEY!!

**Brahms**: What would I get by taking people hostage? That's useless.

**Odin**: Yer dang cranky………mean old dead-guy!

-Then he backs away to do more side comments on the interior decorating-

**Odin**: (getting really annoyed right now) Huh, yeah right….fancy decorations…blah blah blah….you even got one of my valkyries as a light bulb. So who's the interior decorator? Your mom? Ahahaha!!!!

Odin was acting just like a retarded spoiled brat, and that REALLY pissed-off Brahms…not to mention Surt who was listening. Since Brahms was rather like a peace-loving dude, he'd rather NOT pay attention to a pesky god's insults. Instead of smacking his adversary down, he picked up his luggage then exited the room and leaving the other guys behind. Although Surt understood what this meant and how Brahms must be really pissed off……actually, Surt likes Brahms better than Odin….cause a least Brahms never acted like some god of epileptic bastards.

**Surt**: Hey! Wait for us! God dammit, Odin! Now he's cranky again!

**Odin**: Sheesh, man. All I ever did was tell him that his sense of design was horrible….and bad-mouth everything else……uh…my bad….

Hence forth, they braved the path going to the airport where they awaited their upcoming flight. Down at the waiting area, they take their seats together with the other passengers. Five minutes later, 4 men in sassy black suits appeared and started announcing:

"**Citizens! We are from the Mad Raccoon Travel and Tour Co.! All those who were invited to a vacation, please stand up and follow us….the plane awaits you…!"**

Immediately, most of the passengers stood and followed the men in black…..

**Surt**: Psst! Odin! Let's go!...Get up you lazy god of slackers!!

**Odin**: (who was fiddling with a slinky) Alright, alright….sheesh….

Brahms already went ahead of them, so Surt was forced to grab Odin by the collar and drag'em to the plane whilst he still played with the slinky. Once inside the lane, Surt dropped Odin on the floor and hopped unto a seat next to Brahms, who was by the window and covered with a dark blanket. Apparently, he had already fallen asleep. Soon after that, the trip rocked on….for 10 hours straight. Oh, was the ride a bit rough….despite the turbulence, the pesky little brats that squabbled at the front and back seat, and Odin almost throwing up; the trio pretty much managed to fall asleep. Although Surt couldn't be any more awake from drinking too much cappuccino on the way. A few more hours and they'll be on solid ground……Much to his dislikes, Surt found Odin drooling an ocean all over his arm. He got so irritated, much less disgusted, that he shoved him away quickly…and woke him up.

**Odin**: Huh?... wipes away drool from his mouth What'd I do?!

**Surt**: You were drooling on my arm, you wretch!

**Odin**: Oh, yawn no biggie. You're welcome…. yawn Now lemme go back to sleep….. yawn …

**Surt**: Oh no, you're not doing THAT again!!

Thinking that he was gonna do it again (the drool part), Surt thought quickly and made an escape plan to go to some place where that wretch wouldn't drool on him again. Odin asked him where he was going but Surt, noticing a kid go into the bathroom, made a quick excuse to go to the bathroom as well.

**Three hours were left remaining for the trip, but they just wasted it away on sleeping and fiddling with an i-pod………and occasionally, snoring out loud……**

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**A/N:** Yes…I know it gets boring in some parts, but please bear with me. I'm sometimes off on a boring start…..I'll try to liven it up. It's better in the other chapters though. And I'll try to add more lengthy paragraphs...


	2. I just wanna be on the beach

**AUTHOR'S NOTES**: Well, this is the start of their stupid escapade. Sorry if my writing style is like this since indirect dialogues annoy me a lot and long paragraphs irritate my eyes.

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It was already mid-afternoon when the plane had landed. As soon as SOB got out, they rode a ferry till they reached the random islands and embarked off the boat. On the docks, they were accommodated by one of the tour guides loafing around. One of them happened to be Sir Arngrim.

**Surt**: (all giddy) Well, greetings! Native!!

**Arngrim**: Yeah, yeah, hello…welcome to the greatest resort you could find on the face of the soil….blah 3x…all that stuff.

**Odin**: Wait. Do I know you?

**Arngrim**: Heck, no! Pops! (crossing fingers behind his back). I got hired for a summer job here, of course I don't know you!

-Then Arngrim turned to the other guy, Brahms, who was wearing off-summer wear….-

**Arngrim**: Hey buddy, don't you think you're a little off? Wearin' that trench coat and all those stuff?

-No answer from Brahms-

**Arngrim**: What's with him?

**Odin**: Oh! I forgot to mention, he's a vam…..

-Surt subdued him from mentioning another word to the tour guide and tried to make another excuse-

**Surt**: Oh! Ehehe….what he means to say is that he's got super-sensitive skin!! Yeah!

**Arngrim**: ….what...like porphyria or something?

**Surt**: Y-Yes….something like that….( or whatever that means)

**Arngrim**: Lucky you. stretching his arms yawn Well, that's about that. (scratching his head) Oh yeah, here. (hands over a map, house keys, and some complementary umbrellas). You'll need these if you want to find your cottage!

**Surt**: Hey wait! You're supposed to be a tour guide! Why don't YOU show us to our cottage!!

**Arngrim**: Sorry, got to many things to do. I'm in charge of making bonfires.

**Odin**: So? What does THAT have to do with tour guiding?

**Arngrim**: We don't just MAKE bonfires, sir……….we stop them from getting bigger. Besides, there's no one else who can handle fire-breathing dragons better than me. Lest you want Bloodbane to char all the tourists down to ashes…..especially all the Koreans here.

-long pause while Korean tourists pass by, talking in their native tongue-

**Surt**: …….And the umbrellas?

**Arngrim**: Protection from sunburn while you're off finding your cottage.

After clearing that up, Sob ventured off into the wide terrain. Glancing at the map, they notice that their cottage was labeled "Rafflesia" while the other neighboring cottages were labeled "Tulip", "Azalea", "Edelweiss", and etc…..

**Surt**: Hey! This is so cheap!!!

**Odin**: Yeah! While other people's cottage names sounded great, ours got named after some smelly plant-thing!!  
**Brahms**: …….

Continuing their journey, and since Surt was good with directions, he led the search…."Hmm…says here that our place is up near a dead willow tree..."...He turned to the almost-a-day-silent Brahms. "Hey Brahms! Looks like you're gonna like the place! It has a creepy dead tree beside it!! …No answer came from the figure clad in dark shades of color. Surt went back to Odin…

**Surt**: Hey god, what did you do to Brahms? He's been abnormally silent around us. Why don't you apologize to him?

**Odin**: Hah! Apologize to THAT evil dead creature?! …maybe later….when I feel like it.

**Surt**: Man, I guess they WERE right….this guy's real shallow… (he said to himself)

**Odin**: (taking the gunk out of his ear using his pinky finger) Huh? You say sumthin'?

**Surt**: DUH!!! No…

He continued his way on the right path. And after half an hour of searching, they finally found it. Oh! It was so gloriously big. All painted in naturally sunny colours, with a plaque on the door where the words were written in big, bold letters which said: **"RAFFLESIA"**

**Surt**: Oh! We're home! Go ahead, man…open the door!

Surt tries to hand over a door key to Brahms but he went past him….over to the door and kicked it wide open. Then he went in and suddenly, all the flowers on the windows automatically wiled and died.

**Odin**: Man…maybe I should REALLY apologize…  
**Surt**: Good! Now get in there, groveling and begging!!

He hurls Odin into the house and shuts the door tight. While inside, each of 'em discover that they get separate rooms (one thing that relieved them very much). Well…there's a big kitchen, a huge living room, a nice porch, a back door (in case they ever needed to escape). Closets, an air conditioning system hooked up everywhere, a laundry room…all the necessary items were there…even an osterizer. Almost all rooms complete with carpeting; curtains, and other draperies. What really overwhelmed them was the presence of a PSII incased in the cabinet, which also held a 36 inch flat screen TV, a huge sound system, a DVD player and lots more. Everything would have been perpetually perfect if not only for the one problem that reared its ugly head….and that was….

**Odin & Surt**: ONLY ONE BATHROOM??!!!!

Anyway, back to Odin's mission for redemption. After they squabbled for rooms and laid their luggage to permanence; Odin went over to Brahms, who was seated on the couch, still being the gloomy…good-looking dead-guy that he was….

**Odin**: ….ehehehe…..eh…..Brahms….? Will you ever accept my apology? big grin …I know I've been a very bad moron….got carried away…I think….

**Brahms**: …….  
**Odin**: Oh come on…..can't you take a joke..? ……….Oh! I know!

-takes out a picture of someone very familiar and hands it over to Brahms-

**Brahms**: ………… This is-------!!!

**Odin**: Hohum….One of my darling valkyries, Hrist.

-Odin waited for a reply from Brahms, who was busy gazing at the picture of Hrist and her usual frown.-

**Odin**: (getting bored) ….hey….am I now cleared?  
**Brahms**: Jump off a cliff.  
**Odin**: WHAT!? Y-you ARE joking….right?

- Brahms shot him a glare-

**Odin**: Alright, alright!! If it's the only way to redeem myself, hen I'll do it!!!--------Now can I have the picture back…? grin  
**Brahms**: I hate you. Go to hell.

**Odin**: Hmph! If anyone needs me, tell them I'm off redeeming myself.

And just as he walked out of the door, sore and pouting; Surt rears his head from the kitchen, drinking a soda he snatched from the refrigerator and went to sit next to Brahms.

**Surt**: Hey, where'd that beatnik Odin go?

**Brahms**: he went to the cliffs to die of a free-fall accident.  
**Surt**: Damn!...

-he then noticed the picture of a woman with a scowl-

**Surt**: Whoa. She your girlfriend? (pointing at the picture)  
**Brahms**: Pfff….! You wish! (Stashes picture into pocket)

Thirty minutes later, Odin returned home…all wet and a bit bloodied…some rips on his Hawaiian shirt. He entered the room huffing and worn-out and exclaimed, "I have returned! Now have I redeemed myself?" and Brahms replied, "Hmph. And how was it? (Damn…should've told him to stay underwater until tomorrow...)." "Man! Those sharks were crazy! They wanted to have me for dinner…..but unfortunately, I declined after tossing them off-shore…" he replied. Then he noticed the clock on the wall….

**Odin**: OMGeee!! Look at the time! It's already dark outside! It's time for some nightlife! Surt! Get over here, you lazy slob!

-Surt emerges from the kitchen…-

**Surt**: WHAT!?

**Odin**: Fix yourselves! We are heading into the main town for some sight-seeing---!!

-then he locks himself in his room and started tidying himself up.-

**Brahms**: …For a guy who jus jumped off a cliff, he sure has enough spunk left for some teenager rituals…..

**Surt**: …….Must be those high-maintenance drugs he's taking.

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**A/N**: I was fond of the song : 'Sunburn' by Sandwich….So, I decided to do all of this since summer was the best time for some fun. The next chapter will feature more action and more appearances by other anime and game characters, I hope you'll like it.


	3. WE'RE GOING TO DIE!

**A/N**: Yehey….more paragraphs……this is a miracle…..this is one of my fave chapters…may you be familiar with the guest appearances I'm putting here.  
**Disclaimer**: As stated earlier, I definitely do not own any of the characters or brand names that were featured in this crack fic.

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Since those three didn't have much of an appetite, they decided to skip dinner and head on outside to journey through medieval woods in going to the main town. On the way, they passed by some other people….probably on vacation as well……like a kid wearing a cap; and a weird-looking rat, with bright yellow and red circles for cheeks, perched on his head. Another guy was some hippie in red and green, wearing red clogs and funny-looking white, wig-like spiky hair; seemed that he was babbling to his kid companion, who looked a bit like him. Except that he was blonde, with whiskers, and wearing an orange jumpsuit. They sure were noisy.  
Well actually, the path to the main town wasn't a breeze at all….with little lights in the distance and a chilly breeze. Considering the fact that the woods were teeming with ravenous wolves, wild animals, and violent drunkards; Brahms was all tense in the environment and couldn't stop glancing behind them whilst they walked along the path. But in the end, they finally succeeded in getting there. The place was really lively, even from just a long distance; they could see that there were lots of shops, stalls, different establishments……and a number of live band performances….

And just as they were passing by; Sir Arngrim, the mercenary-turned-tour guide, goes toe-to-toe with one of the meanest lizards you'd never wanna cross with. You could even hear them yelling at each other. Especially a familiar, rough and deep voice…..

**Bloodbane**: I am no work animal to be making bonfires here!

**Arngrim**: Look, if we make a bonfire, then we get a raise. You can't be all high and mighty here…..otherwise, you'll get us both fired.

**Bloodbane**: I am the great and powerful Bloodbane! I'm a dragon! Not a blowtorch!!

**Arngrim**: Hey, they said 'use your talents for good'. At least you're not off to some village, devouring little kids and burning gasoline stations. You're on parole, so behave yourself.

**++Brief History:** Bloodbane had been sentenced to 10 years in prison (by 'prison', I meant Jurassic Park) for being in cahoots with Sephiroth in the Nibleheim incident. So far, he's only filled up 3 years. But since his famous movie star uncle, Godzilla, was really in good terms with the military; he negotiated for at least a parole for his favorite nephew…Or else, he'd threaten to blow-up the whole prison using his famous 'Atomic Breath'. And so his uncle G. put him here on the resort, for him to behave and hasten his release if his conduct was good. And that's why Bloodbane's on the island.

**Bloodbane: **OH CURSES!!!!

He backs away a little bit and with a loud, deep, rumbling voice, he utters one of his favorite battle quotes…."FEEL MY FLAME." then SPOOOSH! he breathes fire, setting flames upon the heap of firewood in the pyre….spreading bright flares and warmth all around the area.  
**Odin**: Ahh…warm and toasty….  
**Surt**: C'mon, you douche bag! The town's waiting!

SOB went on strolling around town and stumbled upon a karaoke bar…..with loud speakers playing. In each of the rooms, there were different people inside, enjoying the night out drinking and singing their lungs out. But Odin happened to chance upon a particular room where the most horrible music came from. Peering through the wide window, he saw a familiar face…..

----**Inside the room**----  
Two guys singing in a duet, drunk and horribly voiced…..It turned out to be Lezard Valeth and Lawfer, singing to their hearts content….  
**Lezard**: I'm too sexy for my shirt hic! too sexy for my shirt. So sexy it hurts…ss….s… hic! ...  
**Lawfer**: I'm too sexy for my caaaar…..too sexy for mah car… hic . Too sexy by faahr….. woozy  
**Lezard & Lawfer**: Ahw! I'm a model if you know hic what I hic mean…..  
----**000**----

-Odin peering even closer-

**Odin**: Wait….Now I DEFINITELY know that guy……. (pointing at Lawfer)

He tried tapping on the window but to no avail….the music was too loud for them to hear. Aside from that, those two were supremely under the influence of strong alcohol. So, he decided to leave them be.

Moving on, they wandered outside some disco arena called: '**Sisco's Disco**'. On the sign board, it said that the place was owned by….. "Jack Sisco…..meanest scumbag in town…" said the kid reading the sign board. Noticing that SOB were looking at him, he decided to introduce himself. "Heya, I'm Duo Maxwell!" he groovily said and shook hands with the three of 'em.

**Odin**: Uh…yeah…groovy!  
**Brahms**: About what you said…  
**Duo**: ….uh…..oh! That? Oh…no….don't mind me. Just talkin' to myself….

_** BOOM!-BANG!-POW-!!**_ The groovy disco door busted open with two afro guys punching each other and the crowd flowing out to watch. Then came a dude with a bandana and one heck of a nose…

**Duo**: gasp That's him!! (pointing at man in bandana). That's Jack Sisco….why….I…oughta… (rolling up his sleeves).  
**Odin**: Who? Him? The bird-nose-guy?

_** SWOOSH!**_ Off went Duo, going straight for Jack Sisco. SOB followed him till they were inside the building and found Duo engaging in hand-to-hand combat with the bird-nose-guy. But Jack notices them…..

**Jack Sisco**: So! You brought some Yankees here with you?! This is a low blow, Maxwell!! punches Duo on the nose My disco kingdom's top-rated! You're just jealous 'cause I make more profit than you and your beauty parlor!

-Duo clears out the blood in his nose, and lands a flying kick on Sisco's face-

**Duo**: HAH!! Jealous?! Me?! I'm just getting back at you for stealing my precious 1990 VCR collection and using them as floor tiles for your disco death pit! Just look a' that! pointing at a floor tile I can still see my Godzilla VS Biollante movie sticker on that VCR!!! AHH--!! Take this!!! _**SUPER HEERO-ZERO FLUFFER POOF KICK! GYAAHH!**_ charges at Jack Sisco, getting ready to 'fly' YAAAH!!!

**Jack Sisco**: FLUFFER-DOOPER-watchamacallit??? Hah! Cheap name! I bet it doesn't even---UUFFF!!!! gets sent crashing into a wall

SOB just stood there…watching…enjoying the scene like it was some sci-fi action movie. While the two goofballs were busy tearing each other apart, Surt and Brahms had more intentions on putting it to a stop. "Surt, go put a cease to this meaningless rumble." Brahms spoke. "Alright." replied Surt with a big grin on his face….then he turned to face the two and began reciting a spell…

"_**I invoke the rites of fiery Muspellheim, and give thy souls up to the inferno's embrace……….Ifrit Caress!!"**_

_** BOOM!!**_ The main arena exploded, thankfully, the building didn't catch fire. A while later, police sirens came to the site, then the police came crashing into the burly man-fight.

**Odin**: Jeez, man! It's the heat!!  
**Brahms**: And since when did you learn to talk like that?  
**Odin**: Doesn't matter, homie! We need to escape! Surt! Grab the kid and let's go!

So Surt pulled Duo away from the bully, Jack Sisco, and the four dudes leapt over the hedges and hid behind large jars; then bumped into another kid, wearing a monkey circlet, a red & white karate top, a yellow scarf, leggings and was carrying a tonfa.

**Kid**: hey! This is my secret hiding place!  
**Odin**: Yeah, yeah, sure kid. Whatever. We're only here until the heat's gone.  
**Kid**: But!! Granpa Genkaku's gonna find me!  
**Odin**: Alright, alright! Just five more minutes!

**++Back at the Disco Arena…**  
In order to stop the whole uprising, the police squadron battered the unruly mob, like old people with beating sticks until every last delinquent was bloody pulverized. Although Jack Sisco struggled and insisted that Duo Maxwell and some three other guys were responsible for all of this, the policeman just said, "Yeah right, Sisco. my subordinates found no trace of such shady characters lurking around here! I suggest you stop putting ecstasy in your tropical drinks and accompany me to the police station." "B-b-but--!!" Sisco staggered. "No buts, delinquent." the policeman said sternly.  
And so Jack Sisco was arrested, tried, found guilty, and was sentenced to 5 years in prison...along with his band of merry disco heathens all in just a matter of five minutes. While Duo Maxwell was roaming free from guilt, though bruised and bloodied a little...After the whole incident, all he ever talked about was his undying debt to his elderly companions.

**Duo**: Hey Pops! Thanks for saving my hide back there. sigh At last, justice has been served. I can't thank you guys enough...  
**Odin**: Nah, don't mention it, kid. You can pay me back by giving me your soul when you die...

-BONK! Brahms hits Odin's head for saying stupid things again...-

**Odin**: OW! You Psychopath!  
**Duo**: grin Wow! So, you're like the grim reaper or somethin'?  
**Odin**: Not exactly, sonny.  
**Duo**: Well...as a token of my gratitude, I'll at least tell ya one of the most popular words that the people here use..._**'GROGGY' (not the usual word).**_ You pronounce it like this: _**'groo-geh.**_' Just use it anytime you're in a pinch with the people here...

And with that, that Duo-kid ran off. Even though he's gone, SOB will always keep it in mind...Groggy. Going through all that trouble, SOB decided to stay away from anything suspicious; Heading their way back to the home area, they notice that Arngrim and the bonfire were still at it. Come to think of it, why DO Arngrim and Bloodbane put up such bright pyres at night? Since the query was disturbing, they approach he two and inquire for the answer.

**Arngrim**: Eh? Hmm...never thought a new tourist would ask about that so soon. Well, two reasons.  
**Brahms**: And what ARE these reasons, I ask.  
**Arngrim**: (sitting on a log) First, every Friday and weekends...we hold a story session here with the tourists.  
**Surt**: Hmm...I see... (nodding)

**Arngrim**: Second, ever since the dawn of time, fire is a very useful tool in warding off wild and dangerous animals. So we light large bonfires all over selected areas in the islands in order to keep away the evil creatures from the main resort.

**Odin**: E-e-evil? W-where do they come from? gulp  
**Brahms**: In the forest. We've been watched while we were walking down from there.

**Arngrim**: Exactly. That's why no one likes staying in their house all alone, especially a night. And that's why me and the big guy are here. If ever the bonfire doesn't work, we fight them.  
**Odin**: Uh...what exactly's in there...? Sweat drop

Arngrim explains hat the whole forest is infested with ravenous animals like wolves, werewolves, demons, etc, and what's worse? **U**ltra-**V**iolent **D**runkards! Luckily, the government hires demon-hunting Mounties...

**Arngrim**: We've sent a lot of Mounties to patrol these grounds day and bight; mainly swordsmen like Suo, Jun, Kenshin Himura, Cloud Strife, etc plus a whole myriad of other types of Mounties. And some selected tour guides like me, paired with burly monsters like this guy here.

**Bloodbane**: Grr... (stupid human)  
**Surt**: So...who's the best tour guide-guy?...You?

**Arngrim: **Nah, that would be that **Darth Vader-guy**...and his partner, **Sauron**. And they're on the other side of the island (thank god...). So you won't have to worry, but if you're planning to go home at this hour, you better prepare yourselves. And here, use these Tiki torches to fend evil creatures off.

After they receive the torches, they steadily go into the path to the home area, while Arngrim and Bloodbane bid them good fortune. Once inside, they hear evil howls and footsteps...looks like 'tis the waking hour of evil and the demon-hunt has already begun. The three huddle together like sour monkeys when suddenly, they bump into a shady character in the darkness...

**Surt**: Ack! Who goes there?! (swinging the ii torch wildly)

The torch lit up the small area they were in, so apparently, they bumped into a man with a peculiar scent. And since they thought that he was harmless, SOB tried helping him up. But Odin knew better since the odor emanating from the stranger was stark familiar...

**Odin**:That smell...Novellino White wine...and...red wine...and a great tinge of...San Miguel Beer?!... gasp Brahms! Surt! Stop!! Stay away from that thing!!

-Brahms and Surt turned around looking confused at what he yelled-

**Brahms**: What did you say? And what's wrong with helping him up? He ain't gonna bite us y'know...  
**Odin**: J-just do as I say!!  
**Surt**: (pouting) And why?

**Odin: Cause he's a damn drunkard!!!**

No one noticed that the shady cretin rose up behind Surt & Brahms, still wobbling and staggering...and then turned around...

**???: ROOAAARRR!!!!!!**  
**SOB: GYAAAAAAHHH!!! NOOOOO!!!!!**

Surt waved the torch even wilder and that's when they recognized the evil creature attacking them...

**Surt**: Augh!! It's so hideous!! It's burning my eyes!!!  
**Odin**: It's that village fool from Midgard!!!

It was a supremely drunk Badrach, still holding on to a half-broken beer bottle and waving it wildly at SOB. Oh god, his smell even worsened, the drunk Badrach lunged at them, foaming at the mouth brought about by too much alcohol, and started swinging his arms violently. It was horrifying, being attacked and chased by a violent drunkard for no god damn reason. The drunkard was too scary for them to fight, eventually; they were cornered with no place to run. The only thing left to do was scream their lungs out for dear life. **"NO!!! IT'S GOING TO KILL US!!!!!"** they screamed. **"WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!!"**

And just when all hope had run dry for them, from out the bushes, a petite shadow sprang up and jump-kicked Badrach right in the face. Badrach retaliated, but he was no mach for he stranger's speed. And in a split second, the stranger knocked out the drunkard with one blow to the chin by the use of a sword hilt. All was silent...under the moonlight, their savior turned out to be a girl in black and white attire. But Odin couldn't help but exclaim his joy...

**Odin**: Little girl, I thank thee for saving us from hat perilous liquor-drinker!!

: Say no word, **Old Man**, I am just doing my job...

**Odin**: **OLD MAN** Who ARE you?

: I am one of the great shinigamis...he terror of all evil spirits...I am...

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**A/N:** The next chapter is almost finished, but it'll be quite some time before I start typing it...I'll be busy packing my stuff 'cause we're moving to Canada!! But I'll be back to continue the story---!


	4. Oh no! It's Bozo!

**A/N: …Okay….so I wasn't motivated to type the next chapter….I've had too many to think about. My career, my plots of evil, thinking about what I was supposed to incorporate in the next chapter, and my tribulations. But after reading a Comedic Trinity Blood fic, I kinda had the urge to do this. Oh well, the future chapters already exist, but haven't been submitted or typed.**

**-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

I am the great shinigami, Kuchiki Rukia, of Soul Society!!! Have no fear, mortals…..now, run! Run to your homes and lock the doors!!!

In the vast, deep forest, loud voices echo through out….some depicting the howls of undead creatures; some would be the yells of humans. And one peculiar voice, saying, "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!" Slowly, and unexpectedly, fog seemed to appear out of nowhere. Following what the petite lady said, SOB ran fast, while Surt led them to the right path. While they were on the run, loud grunting noise trailed behind them. Thinking that it was the petite lady, they stopped dead on their tracks and turned around to see if it was her. Only to find an evil, ghastly and lanky figure standing right in front of them….

"'Tis a werewolf!" exclaimed Odin. "I'll finish him off, for sure" added Brahms.

Then Brahms made his battle stance, a dark aura emanating around him, "Feel the power of darkness…." then charged at the beast. "Finishing Strike!" starts bloodily pulverizing the hideous beast from different directions in the sublime darkness. "Bloody Curse!!" finishing him off with little or no time at all. (I salute thee, Brahms.).

And onwards, they continued, braving the inevitable danger lurking ahead. They crossed falling trees, raced against ravenous wolves and survived Legolas' barrage of arrows. And thank the heavens, 15 more meters to go before they reached their home….And just when they reached the doormat, here comes an even greater threat than usual. Slowly but surely, a wicked and foul creature emerged from the bushes….and like always, it was even uglier than the last thing that popped out of nowhere. It's…it's…it's-----!

**Odin**: (pointing at evil creature) HEY! I KNOW YOU! YOU'RE BOZO!!

------_**BOINK!**_

: (pissed) IT'S HOJO, you idiot!!

**SOB**: GASP!!

**Odin**: (And I thought you were already dead….)

**Hojo**: evil snicker I never thought that I'd find the perfect specimens for my newest experiment….Hmmmm…..you'd make good guinea pigs….hihihihihi….!!!!

The evil Hojo took one step closer towards our favorite trio, and then closer and closer…..until he was only 10 feet away from them. Heart pounding heavily, cold sweat dripping from the fore head, breathing faster and faster, what horror [SOB faced. He continued snickering and sneering at them evilly. This was utterly terrifying for them since they didn't have any plans on becoming America's Next Top Monster (ANTM), they started panicking and shouting empty threats at the bozo. Yet Hojo continued his way towards them….

**Hojo**: Hihihihihihi!!!!

**SOB**: Ahhhh!!! Ahhh!!!

Suddenly, they heard squawking noise from up above….they came from something big, really big up the large and dead willow tree. But Hojo did not mind, he continued to make his way to his future guinea pigs, who were still screaming their lungs out. Looking for a way to keep him at bay, Odin noticed slippers on the ground and attempted to knock out Hojo by throwing them at him. But a few hits wouldn't stop the freak, so Surt and Brahms joined him in the slipper frenzy…..but to no avail.

Hojo lunged at them, attempting to grab on to Odin, when clawed feet appeared and seized bozo. Then it flew high up in the air and dropped Hojo in a freefall that left him crashing down with a loud thud and leaving him half-dead.

**Surt**: O-M-Gee!! It's a griffin!! I hardly ever see those things anymore!!

**Surt**:…uhh…no…wait, that's OUR guard dog! Maindish!!

As Hojo was slowly getting up, the bird of prey swooped down again and seized him again in its sharp talons and carried Hojo off to somewhere far away….probably to Isla Sorna….or Iraq. In reaction to what had happened, SOB just gave a sigh of relief. Went into their home and slammed the door shut. All three of them were hyperventilating and sat down in the living room, turning the TV on as well.

**Brahms**: …wait….what did you say that creature's name was….? ….Maindish? Pfff….who would name a griffin 'Maindish'?

**Odin**: …really stupid name….you could at least name him 'Man-eater' or somethin'…

**Surt**: Bah! It was either that or call him 'Horopito'.

**Odin**: What is that?!

**Surt**: Beats me, but it sounds good……Horopito…..but Maindish has an even better ring to it!

**Brahms**: … … … and where the hell did you find that thing?...

**Surt**: Ah….just this afternoon….while Odin was away and I was in the kitchen…

**Flashback: at the kitchen**

Surt was just whistling while fixing a nice snack when he noticed something up the large, dead tree beside the house… He went out the back to examine it closely, then something suddenly dropped behind him and snatched the sandwich that he had and gobbled it all up.

**Surt**: ACK!!

**Creature**: KRUNG!!

**Surt**: ACK!

**Creature**: KRUNG!

They went on like this for five minutes until they got tired of it. Surt was shocked to see a magnificent creature, standing tall and mighty and wearing….a dog collar?!!! With no name on it but with a side note saying: "Hello! I have no name, so gimme one or else I'll snap at your fingers!!" Surt rubbed his chin for a while, obviously thinking about what the side note was implying.

**Surt**: Jeee…..you're a griffin. Obviously, you deserve a name fit for gods! So, are you like a guard dog here or what?

-Creature nodded in agreement-

**Surt**: And you live in that tree, right?

-Creature nods again-

**Surt**: Hah! Then I have the perfect name for you! Since you ate my snack, I'll call you Maindish!! Now we're friends!! big grin

It seemed that the griffin liked it, so they shook hands…err…..paws….claws…..whatever…..and became good friends. Surt yanked off the side note, crumpled it, threw it away and wrote on the blank space on the collar: Maindish.

**Surt**: I'll let you meet my roommates tonight, so you'll have to wait. Okay?

Maindish nods in agreement –

**End Flashback**

**Brahms**: .. … … ..oh. Since that's over….might as well…….??? Odin! Did you lock the doors?!

**Odin**: Yeah….

**Brahms**: The windows?!

**Odin**: …yeah…

**Brahms**: Odin, go to bed.

**Odin**: Odin this, Odin that! Blah blah blah! Whatever!

Experiencing a brief moment of peace, they were slowly retreating to their respective rooms; until they heard some faint knocking at the door, accompanied by some scratching and hair-raising screeching. Looks like the fiendish party wasn't ready to subside, but the worn-out immortals best not take part in it again and scrambled up into their safe rooms as fast as they could; putting every single lock they could find into good use, making sure the windows and doors were impermeable from the outside. Ten seconds later, they outside party rocked on like hell for hours and hours.

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**A/N: Ahh….finally….my fingers were starting to hurt. It's been a long and tedious time since I've last typed like this. Damn, I hate typing…..ruins my beautiful handwriting….**

**I'm sorry if it's so late. I guess I really AM very lazy…. I still have more to give to this story, so pardon if I can't make it on time. Reviews, if you may. (--)….**


	5. The Predator and the Paint

**A/N:** Oh my GOD!!!!!!!! Curse this abhorred trait of Laziness!!! Dear Readers, it has been long months since I last updated this story. By now, we already have VP: Silmeria in our possession. Why I'm telling you this….well….I don't even know….sorry…

It's hard to be lazy….I don't want to live like this forever….that's why I'm trying to NOT procrastinate because I'm letting a lot of souls down…so my apologies for making you all wait.

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**-SOMEWHERE-**

"Hehehehe…..I guess father WAS right…..Saving my entire lunch money from high school CAN make you filthy stinkin' rich…." Snickered the god of mischief, Loki, who was fiddling his time away with ink and a piece of parchment. "…But just enough to buy those supremely expensive resort tickets for those three dumb-dumbs….", his eyebrows in a furrow. "Like god! Those tickets cost me a fortune! NOW I have to ask for more weekly allowance from my old man…!" He mumbled, wrapped in heavenly bed sheets (He not knowingly took possession of Odin's room while he was away…) Scratching his head, he turns his attention back to the pen and parchment, which draped over half of the entire bed itself. "Hmm…let's see. Now where was I--? Dammit! I got no ideas…blank for the moment. It'd be really good to take a walk over to that mortal newsstand down below-----------stop! What am I thinking?! Tabloids are for pornstars! A god like me doesn't take interest in those foolish 'scribbles-on-a-toilet-paper.'!!! Elegies are for brooding emo crackpots!! I'm in!!!" his thoughts in an imbroglio. "Let's see…..'Hands imbrued in bitter murder. Bloody shadows tethered to the wall; a terrifying glitch to the senses…..'…..".

**-ELSEWHERE-**

"Foggy scents of ghastly activity; the sunlight darts through the heavy canopy outside, then through the icy blinds of cottage Rafflesia……"

-Looks like the 'party' outside was a success.

Two housemates were already up and about; looks like they had a goodnight's rest despite the reckless rumbles and noise last night. They march up their groggy feet to Odin's locked room and started banging on the door, demanding his attention be snatched away from his godly slumber. "Hey Odin Almighty!! Rise and shine!! It's eight in the morning!! Take a bloody bath, or else!" roared Surt. "Yeah! What do you want anyway?! To sleep in or never make-up again?! Get outta there and face us NOW!!" he yelled angrily.

Groggily yet willingly, Odin unlatched the locks and crawled out to the living room and the others followed. "Hnnn….hnn….." moaned Odin as he drudged. "Jeez, I didn't know you snored that loud…" Surt complained. "It felt like Ragnarök's already here!" added Brahms. "Alright, bathroom!! Me first!!!" shrieked Odin violently, which shocked the other two.

Two hours ran like hell as all three of them took turns taking a shower, when Odin got another impulsive idea for the idea (seemed that he's already in a better mood than earlier), "Hey manly men!! Lord Odin's got another adventure to fulfill!" he yelled, then drinking his morning coffee. "… … WHAT?!!!!" the other two exclaimed, "Wait just a sec, WHO DIED AND MADE YOU LEADER?!!" they roared in unison. "Well, I AM the all-father, eheheheh…" smoothly answered by Odin. "Okay, here's the plan: We go to town, pretty much doing the SAME stuff we did yesterday only this time, WE TELL MAINDISH TO GUARD THE HOUSE AND COVER OUR BACKS ONCE WE GET HOME. Got it?" he gleefully exclaimed. "Hnnn" they replied. "Good. Now off we go outside! The sun's set ablaze, glorious sunlight everywhere you go!! The perfect day. Yeah…." happily said by Odin.

It seemed that the mere sound of 'sunlight', 'everywhere', and 'ablaze triggered a reaction to Lord Brahms, forcing him to cower into a corner in the darker parts of the den. The presence of sweat was evident on his gloomy façade, not to mention his eyes were fixed at the sunlight outside the house which looked stark HOT. Upon noticing such an unusual action by such a powerful lord, Surt grew quite inquisitive. And Odin, quickly caught on to such phenomenon. "OH….I forgot……. You're a _**Vampire: Got sunlight, will burn.**_" "…" Brahms didn't respond to such a satire comment. "What a sad man…." added Surt, being sympathetic to the creature. "Don't worry, buddy, we'll help you." "… … …" Brahms still didn't respond. Odin and Surt lounged on the sofa, their thoughts caught up in a mess. "Hmm….Brahms, let me ask. What are your thoughts right now?" Odin asked. "I can tell that you have a tale to tell us about this issue. And I can sense that it is going to be…a bit……comedic."

For a while, Brahms hesitated. "Hnnn. This dude's got ESP. Mind as well confess." His thoughts went. "This sucks." For a moment, Brahms loosened up and started narrating to them about an incident that occurred a long time back. "Erhem…..I just remembered this dude back in pre-school…..we used to call him 'Epilepto' after what had happened that day….." He paused for a moment and then continued. "It was a hot and scorching day back then…. The teacher gave us an intelligence test in distinguishing actual blood from the other substances. Like damn, was he stupid. We tried our best to help him pass. He was given a choice amongst a fresh glass of blood, tomato juice, colored water, and a can of red paint. We even put big labels on them, making sure that the glass of blood was obviously noticeable because we knew that he was a good reader. We told him and gave him clues which one was he suppose to choose, even the teacher tried coaxing him into which one was right. And you know what he did? … … …He drank the can of paint!!! Like dude! It was like a slap in the face! He was hopeless, so we laughed and laughed until our jaws felt like falling off in pain. We started making fun of the poor guy. Eventually, after hours of mean and 'non-chalant' insults and mockery, the little guy kinda……'blew a fuse'. He ran around the room screaming and jumped out of the window-------In broad daylight! It was around noontime, I think. That shocked us so much. We felt sorry for him, so we waited for hours….but the little guy never came back, ever again. All we found were ashes blowing in through the window….it gave me the chills."

"… … …" crickets chirped, silence dominated the moment. Odin and Surt froze in time, neither blinking nor making any other reactions, except that one's eyes were twitching, probably dumbfounded by such a ridiculous account. "Ludicrous, what was Odin thinking! Making me confess such a tale of utter irrelevance and stupidity…" Brahms thought to himself. "…duh…." A sound came up."

"…"

"…"

"That's it?" muttered Odin. "Pretty much, yah" replied Brahms. "…bummer." added Surt. "Well, looking back at what had transpired, I guess you pretty much have a really sorry excuse for yourself, old man." Odin said. "Damn that boy. Serves him right for being intellectually cumbersome. Impudent fool, I would say. I've never heard of such a stupid idiot in all my life. Are you vampires always like that?". "HELL NO!!!" yelled Brahms "… … … So, what are you suppose to do about it?" Odin wondered. "I was hoping you had the solution, fool!" yelled Brahms again. They started arguing at this point until Surt unexpectedly intervened. "Wait. I think I have the solution to your problem, Brahms." He then searches deep into one of his pockets and emerges with a large canister of what looked like some elegantly-looking tub of petroleum jelly. "What's that?" they asked. "What's it look like? It's sun block." replied Surt with an indifferent look. "Sun block? Pff….you actually think that a mere substance like that could shield me from such deadly solar rays? Huh?" Brahms raised suspicion. "Hey bud, this ain't any ordinary sun block! There's actually quite a tale to tell on how I got my hands on this stuff…." He bragged out, waving the mystery substance in the air. "But first, you gotta try this. It might work miracles." "'Might' you say? What are the chances of 'that' coming true?" the vampire snapped back. "Hmm…based on the circumstances and mysterious effects claimed and boasted about by such a substance, I'd say Brahms has a thirty percent chance of being saved from such a demeanor and a larger, seventy percent chance of being incinerated into nothingness under the heat of the sun." the all-father stated calmly. "Well, what's the use of the thirty percent probability if we won't try it first hand. And when I say 'first hand', I meant that we'll test it on one of your hands, Brahms." Surt continued "C'mon, don't cower. If anything happens to you, sue me. Gut e and keelhaul me under a ship, if you wish. Smash me unto jagged rocks and trap me under frigid waters."

Silence, once more, claimed the moment. Thoughts and doubts played well for now until Brahms was finally convinced to try the mystery sun block on a small portion. Reading the precautions and directions, it stated that "apply a thin layer unto area of exposure…." doing what the instruction implied, they covered his whole left hand and then, carefully exposed it outside the open window; where the baking heat of the sun awaited him. As his hand went farther and farther, the tension builds up….so thick that you could cut it with a knife. Fingers first, sunlight touching its very surface; then comes the back and… … ...voila! Miraculously, there was no sign of smoke from the extremity, even exposing the palm and moving around freely, careful not to expose beyond it. This was truly astounding! Taking his hand back into the shade, Brahms flashed a small yet gleeful expression that could not be beheld by words in detail. "…Surt! You WERE right! This stuff is amazing! What form of sorcery is this?! How long does this last?" "Hmmm….says here that the effects last up to 24 hours exactly. No more, no less." Odin stated. "I say, Surt. Jolly good show. You've saved another Epilepto-to be from utter vaporization. But I doubt that this stuff could actually stand against the intensity of the mighty Sun Rune…..but, nevertheless, I congratulate thee. I guess you're not a such a brainless idiot as I thought you were." He added. "Jee….thankees. Even though that 'auspicious' felicitation was actually a sugar-coated tongue-in-cheek low blow." Surt scratched his head, "Aye, but before we use it on all of Brahms, share your tale on how you grasped this heavenly substance." Odin cajoled. And Surt was happy to oblige. "Okay, so it was like this….." he started.

"I was in the middle of nowhere, apparently, I wandered off into some medieval castle where this man in a mask was basking in the sun, together with his attendants by his side…..what was his name again….? 'Billiardo Spacecraft…? Oh whatever, it doesn't matter anyway. I found myself entangled in a conversation with him for no goddamn reason. Something about the UV rays…., then he showed me this big canister of elegant-looking stuff and bragged about how it was an ingenious way of saving yourself from getting sunburned. He even bragged about 'even vampires are safe under this sun block….' And so I asked him…."

_**-Flashback-**_

**Surt:** Hey, what's that stuff you have there…?

**Milliardo Peacecraft/ Zechs:** Oh, this? Hnn, this is the most brilliant substance known to man!! It's called: "Gundanium Sun block". Crafted and funded by one of the most powerful men in the world, Treize Khushrenada, who also happens to be my bestfriend. That's why he gave it to me for free.

**Surt:** Woah, buddy, the maker of that stuff sounds like a real bastard.

**MP/Zechs:** How dare you----!

**Surt:**….but I guess it wouldn't stand a chance against this heavenly artifact of which I have here in terms of greatness…

**MP/Zechs:** H-heavenly a-artifact….? C-could I see it? Hmmm….:3…..

_Surt takes out an ordinary cookie from his pocket, in which he just bought it from some old lady up in Mt. Chimney…. _

**Surt:** TA-DA!! Behold! The extravagantly made, artifact of the gods! Bow down to the awesome power of the mighty LAVA COOKIE!!!

**MP/Zechs:** Skeptic at first, but then falls for it and bows down three times before it GASP!! AWE!! I can just feel the awesome power emanating from such a godly artifact!! W-would you….like to….trade it for my…sun block? It's still unopened and brand new….

**Surt:** Well! What do you know! I was just thinking the same thing! Besides, I was getting' bored of holding on to this piece of 'holy' junk. I was planning to throw it awa---

**MP/ Zechs:** Nonesense! Here! Have this useless sun block that some great bastard randomly gave to me! I have no need for it!

**Surt:** WOOT! Whoope!! Now, I guess I have to go now. Got lotsa business to do. See ya when I see ya, buddy! (sucker!!)

_**-End Flashback-**_

"And that's how I made off with the magical stuff…." Surt bragged. "… … Stolen goods, that's what I say." Answered Brahms. "Same here." Agreed Odin. "But--!!" Surt insisted. "Oh c'mon, man! You just ripped it off of some poor mortal." "You just scammed him."

"… … oh….h…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Ah, whatever. At least Brahms can walk in broad daylight now." Surt revolted. "C'mon, galloping geezers! Adventure awaits us!"

**All:** WHOOPIE!!

Having solved such a dilemma, the three scramble outside and made sure everything was in order before locking the doors shut. As they departed for town, Surt instructed their guard dog, Maindish, to guard the house and keep a close watch on the three of them if ever they are spotted returning home. After that whole, briefing, the three darted of as fast as they could through the wooded trail and past the empty bonfire ashes from last night. No one was there at this time, maybe they were off sleeping in or busy strolling in toewn at the moment.

**-At the Main Square-**

"Wow….sure looks different from last night…" Surt wandered off…… The threee were sight-seeing once more, looking for some excitement; when suddenly, Odin bumped into some total and peculiar stranger donned in black, with a stylish black hat that goes with it. Aside from that, he was beautifully blonde, with long hair fashioned into a long braid. You can't even see his eyes much due to his bangs but you can tell that he is NOT human. "….uh…..S-Sorry!! My bad…..", faltered Odin. The stranger didn't say a word, but got a good look at him and his companions and walked past them as if nothing happened. "Hmf. Freakin' Michael Jackson…." Muttered Odin in a low voice.

"Who?! Me?! Dang it! I AM NOT Michael Jackson!!!", screamed an abnormally white, snake-like man with long gorgeous black hair with purple make-up around the eyes. "!!!" Odin's eyes widened. The snake-man turned to his companion and started complaining but didn't notice the three hgoofs watching them. "I thought you said people are decent here!!! Did you here THAT?! Someone said I was Michael Jackson!! Can you explain that, Kabuto?!!!" The snake-man crossed his arms gayishly. His companion paused and re-settled his glasses, "Master Orochimaru, only people from ninja countries could've said that. "hmmm….you're right. Maybe…" Orochimaru paused, "There's a Konoha spy here! Hurry, we must kill him immediately before he could spread news about my whereabouts!" As the two were about to disappear, some 5-year old boy pointed and screamed at the snake-man, "Look, mommy! It's Voldemort!!" Orochimaru slapped his hand on his forehead, running it down in utter annoyance. "What kind of a place did you take me to, you fool…..even the 5-year olds call me names…" then they disappeared into thin air.

"….."

"……"

"…..Oh! A café!" Surt drifted off……

The 'gentle giant grabbed his still-stunned companions and dragged them off to the establishment but actually it was an exotic branch of……

**--At Tim Hortons--**

So here's this wacko Tim Hortons branch that's so busy that they have to hire people to get to all the customers…..sigh…..waiters, anyone? They've that special patio in the front AND back… Now, back to the scene; knowing these all-expense paid vacationists, their battle cry would be…..

"SPLURGE!!!" they cried. They jumped right in, sat back and relax…and started ordering a lot of stuff. A solemn-looking figure approached them and asked their orders whilst the current customers were already occupying open seats in the area. "What would you like, sir?" he asked. Odin then prattled a lot then the waiter went to the other three and asked the same, he then returned inside to fetch what they wanted. "Hey Brahms….I didn't hear mention any coffee back there.." asked Surt. "I don't drink coffee…..I asked for tea." Brahms replied. Thirty seconds later, the waiter returned with the stuff. "Here you go, sirs." He said as he handed it. Seeing that the customers were fulfilled of their wants, the waiter then went off to serve another waiting customer in the distance. As he was walking away, Odin called out to him, "Hey sonny! Get over here and chat for a while. It's still early….." "B-but…" the waiter glanced at the line and noticed the other staff catering to them and then followed Odin. " So, you seem familiar…" started Odin. "….okay….I guess with a face like mine, you've probably seen my look-alikes….." the waiter replied.

"So, you live here?"

"No. It's a summer job. Need cash to burn."

"Oh really?"

"I'm a conspirator in my spare time."

"Okay….you better not be plotting against me…"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I'm the all-father..the blahblahblah…yadahyadahyadah…."

Odin started his mindless prattle and their conversation grew longer. On the other hand, Brahms and Surt were just lazing around…still yawning occasionally and then we trail off…..

**----Somewhere in Sweden----**

It was a dark and cold room; the lights were dim, giving the surroundings a little shade of sepia. There was a laptop sitting on a steel table and two figures around it; one in the front and the other eyeing the laptop stoically.

**Figure1:** Is that ALL of it?

**Figure2:** Yeah, the old man even called me some damn pedophile's name.

**Figure1:** Well, no matter. At least we get paid.

**Figure2:** Well…actually, we don't.

**Figure1:** What?!

**Figure2:** I'm doing this for fun. And so are you. Did you knock yourself out while you were waiting or what?

**Figure1:** Oh damn. I guess we'll have to reconfigure the whole contract. No biggie.

**Figure2:** Where are the others?

**Figure1:** One's working part-time right now. The other's goofing around, somewhere and the fag's locked himself inside the locker room again. Like damn, we're the only one's who are practically doing everything!

Their voices echoed in the hallway outside the room

**Figure2:** Don't we have any soundproof rooms?! In the way we're talking right now, we're sure to be found!!!

**---Back at Tim Hortons---**

"Like, Duuuude. I need to go to the washroom." Odin got up in a hurry and dashed inside. "Hnn?" Brahms lazily moaned; his fourth cup of tea half-empty. "I'm bored as usual now." added Surt.

At this moment, things were slowing down for the three-man team. More people appeared as the streets got more crowded. Knowing Surt, he's bound to follow his hallucinations. His eyes flittered through the strands of people walking by, filtering their faces in rapid motion. Each one dressed as differently as the other according to the hot and tropical weather. But his attention stopped by this particular man in a vibrant green Hawaiian shirt and strongly looked like Lord Odin. He got up and jumped over the patio fence and ran over to the man. "Hey, Odin! I thought you were in the washroom. How'd you end up here all of a sudden?" he rapidly moved his mouth. The clueless man was shocked and had a hard time replying….. "Mister, My name is NOT Odin nor do I know him at all. My name is Bush, The Burning Bush. I am the president of the most powerful nation in the entire world which is also the world's fattest nation; Now please, leave me alone. I'm on vacation." "G-A-S-P!!! You're from Dipan?!!!!!!" Surt exclaimed. "Hell NO!!" the man denied. Then the man tried to pass by him but Surt cut him off route. "Ahahaha. 'Really funny', Odin. Now seriously, let's go back to Tim Hortons." Surt reacted. "Now sonny----" the man's line was cut off. "I'm A LOT older than you." corrected Surt. "Now son, I am NOT joking." Bush continued. Then he wickedly dashed-off with the speed of light, Surt tried to give chase but "Odin" disappeared after taking a blind curve. Feeling disappointed, Surt made his was back but was ultra-surprised to see another Odin at the table. "Yo! The washrooms were congested so I had to wait for minutes on end." The REAL Odin chirped. Surt was speechless; he just dropped to his seat. "A…..a…..y-you…….but……" then his voice fell. "What?" replied Odin, then turned to the waiter." Oh sorry, sonny. What's your name again…? 'Bakla'?" "It's Vaclav, sir." The waiter replied flatly. "Yeah whatever, sonny." Odin replied. "Alright, ladies! Let's go!!"

The three picked up whatever was left wholly unfinished and exited the establishment. The waiter gave them a suspicious stare and grinned slyly as he went back to work….. "Hnnn……so THOSE are the guys, eh? Hmph. This task seems pretty easy…."

------------------------------- 0 ------------------------------------

Halo-Halo is famous for their beaches, as well. It is said that no one has ever left the place without taking a dip in one of their beaches. No one could resist the pristine blue waters, the crystalline white sand; even though you don't know what's inside in some of 'em. "Crikey! What is that!?" some famous-looking Australian dude jumped from the bushes and right into the middle of the trail where SOB were walking in. "What is what?!" exclaimed Brahms. "Crikey. I ain't never seen such a huge wombat like THAT!!" he pointed at the HUGE lump of blue feather-fur-hide-whatever you callit. "OH-MY-GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?!!!" Odin yelled, his eyes widened like saucers. " Now fellas, this is work for a professional. Stand back." The Australian dude heroically said. He then picked up a rock and threw it a t the huge mass of nightmarish blue ugliness. "Are you even supposed to do that?!" Brahms panicked. The blue 'wombat' moved a little, to and fro, side-by-side, in a ridiculous manner. One ugly yellow eye opened and stared up straight at them. He turned to Brahms, shot him a menacingly hideous glare, and leapt at him like a tree frog to a tree branch. It opened its mouth, filled with hideously jagged sharp teeth, threw back its head and ready to attack, closed in on Brahms' face and…….

---------------------0------------------------------

**BAM! BAM! BAM!** The heavenly doors sounded. Someone was waiting outside. "Yeah? Who is it?" Loki yelled but no answer came. He lazily got up and forced open the door but no one was there. He slammed it shut and turned around when someone grabbed his shoulder.

"!!!"

"Shh….it's us." A cold voice whispered.

"Dammit! Don't scare me like that! You know I have a weak heart! You want one of my arteries to blow up?!!" Loki screamed. "It is I, Testament, together with my colleague, Y---"he got cut off. "Yetta, right?" Loki harshly said. "It's Yuber." Another voice came from infront of him. Loki jumped. "Oh! You big foreign bastards! I told you not to scare me like that!" "We have the goods." Testament coolly said. "Goods? Good!" Loki was relieved. Yuber then handed a semi-flat package to Loki, actually, he shoved it right into his client's face. Loki eyed it and nodded in approvement. "Wow! You German Terrorists really know your stuff."

"….."

"……I'm Swedish." answered Testament.

"I'm not German. I'm not even human..." added Yuber.

"BAH. German-shmerman, you're as good as Adolf Hitler, so you must be German." Loki deduced. "What's the next plan?" Yuber asked. "Does it involve blood, fire, firearms, bladed weaponry?" "Sure does, man." Loki answered. " I bet you're gonna have fun…..so here it is……." Loki started narrating, his voice reverberates inside the room in grand Valhalla…some words made clear, like: bull sharks...rusty tacks…….angry beavers……..etc…

**Yuber:** Don't you have any sound-proof rooms?!! This is the second time I'm asking!!!! What kind of villains are you guys if you can't even keep your plans from being heard outside!!!!!!!

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**A/N:** WOOT. That was my ultra-favorite chapter, especially the epilepto part. I personally enjoyed writing this but all the opinions that the characters said are not all mine. Some I just made up. Reviews are dire, pleas tell me about what you think about the story so far; corrections, suggestions, it's all good. WOOT. My New Year resolution was to stop procrastinating and being lazy…and it s hard. I hope you guys won't forget my fanfic…. Thank you! And please watch out for the next chapter!!


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